Learning to Talk Openly About the Challenges That Women Face at Work and in Life
When the Trump administration announced on April 23 that The Department of Health and Human Services would be terminating contracts with all four research centers working on the Women’s Health Initiative, the largest research study of its kind, the backlash was so immediate and vocal that the administration reversed course the very next day. Women’s healthcare feels constantly under attack, but is crucial to more than 50% of our population. Whether they’re dealing with motherhood, miscarriages, reproductive choice, menopause, and more, women still face overwhelming cultural pressure to stay silent about their challenges. In her new book “Normalize It: Upending the Silence, Stigma, and Shame That Shape Women’s Lives,” psychologist and author Jessica Zucker, PhD, brings an unflinching new look at what needs to be said more openly at a time of backlash—and how employers can respond. She shared highlights during a fireside chat at From Day One’s April virtual conference.Breaking the Silence Women are impacted personally and professionally by the stigma around their healthcare—but this can be minimized by being open about “taboo” issues. “Telling our stories lets us know we’re not alone, [and] it also creates a collective pool of knowledge that can help us grow personally, and as part of that growth, learn how to get our feelings heard and our needs met,” said moderator Lynne Peeples, science writer and author.Zucker does this herself by being open about her own experiences: she had a miscarriage during her second pregnancy at 16 weeks, during which she had to cut the umbilical cord herself coached by a doctor on the phone, bring the fetus in a bag to the doctor’s office for testing, and undergo an unmedicated D&C.“This informed and changed my professional and personal trajectory,” she said. “I had been sitting for years with women talking about the isolation, the alienation, the feelings of disenfranchisement in the aftermath of loss. But until I went through it myself, I just couldn’t relate.” She learned from research that many women who experience a miscarriage blame themselves, feel ashamed, and experience a sense of body failure. To combat these mental health issues, she began the “I Had a Miscarriage” campaign with the New York Times. “That was a compassionate urging for women around the world to think about, ‘If you’ve gone through an experience like this and you haven’t shared it, why not?’” Dr. Jessica Zucker, right, spoke with journalist Lynne Peeples during the fireside chat (photo by From Day One)Our hustle culture glorifies the notion that we can do anything we put our minds to, Zucker says, but reproductive health is mostly beyond our control. It’s a dichotomy that often leads to frustration and feelings of failure. Zucker is pleased to see celebrities like Oprah Winfrey, who had a recent special on menopause, talk more honestly about women’s health. “I do think that the advent of celebrities and others being open about their stories does invite and hopefully urge people to think about their stories, share their stories, and to understand that this can happen to anybody,” she said. How HR Can Help In her book, Zucker shares a psychological study in which people watch two versions of a visibly uncomfortable woman giving a presentation while undergoing a hot flash. When asked if she’s alright in version one, she says she is just warm. In version two, she says she is fine, just going through menopause. Respondents noted that she seems like a more confident leader in the second version. So why aren’t women more empowered to be that straightforward in the workplace? HR can help, Zucker says, by encouraging employees to be open, asking caring questions, and checking in. “In a society where we think ‘productivity all the way,’ it’s tempting to push down our pain, but I think it does backfire,” Zucker said. “If HR was there to acknowledge what somebody's going through, it doesn't mean that they have to be a therapist, it’s just asking the question and holding space and acknowledging what somebody is going through [that makes a difference].” Workplaces should hold space for feelings of grief, despair, and vulnerability among employees, recognizing all the ways that might manifest. “Everyone is different in how they process and when they decide to share their story. How can we be sensitive to that?” Peeples asked. Know that your colleagues might not be ready to share in the same way you would be and proceed gingerly but directly to leave space for psychological safety without causing shame.“Just ask: ‘How are you doing? What are you going through? Is there anything we can do to support you? We are here for you,’” Zucker said. “Let them know there is this culture of openness and availability of support, even if the person doesn’t think they want it right now, or even if they never take it.” Focusing on Mental HealthIn her book, Zucker shares that when faced with someone else’s grief, 70% of us don’t know what to say. “We end up relying on platitudes,” she said. Instead, it’s better to be honest and caring, avoiding statements like “At least…” or other phrases of toxic positivity. It shuts people down, allowing shame to seep in. And shame, Zucker says, is what can lead to more self-destructive behavior, like addiction or dysfunctional relationships. The more space women are given to express themselves, the better their brains will function. “Putting feelings into words, rather than keeping them bottled up, literally changes the way the brain responds to stress by diminishing activity in the amygdala, the part of the brain that processes emotions like anxiety, fear, and stress,” Peeples shared from Zucker’s book. When given the freedom to share their feelings, people become more focused and more present. And with better brain function comes increased workplace productivity. “The more we keep inside, the less present and the less productive we are,” Zucker said. She hopes that the movement for more honesty in conversations surrounding women’s healthcare will become a positive cycle. “I can’t tell you how often I hear somebody say, ‘I shared such and such, and then this person told me the same thing had happened to them.’ And that exchange is so enlivening. It’s so validating,” Zucker said. “The person inevitably feels less alone. And hopefully it inspires them to keep talking about it, because if we keep talking about it, the stigma can melt away.”That cycle can begin in the workplace. “If we come to our work and our colleagues with a sense of openness, authenticity, candidness, it goes a long way. If we can model that as leaders, then the people who work for us may be able to do the same for those who work under them. Those people will become leaders too, eventually,” Zucker said. “Leading with empathy and heart, even if it doesn’t seem like it fits with the role, is very important.” Katie Chambers is a freelance writer and award-winning communications executive with a lifelong commitment to supporting artists and advocating for inclusion. Her work has been seen in HuffPost and several printed essay collections, among others, and she has appeared on Cheddar News, iWomanTV, On New Jersey, and CBS New York.(Photo by SDI Productions/iStock)
Katie Chambers
May 22, 2025
